Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
