But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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