I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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