I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
