I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
