You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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