Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
