think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
