They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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