I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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