i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's shark week go big or go home
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
