Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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