Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
