butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
