i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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