I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
