I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
