Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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