You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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