Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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