CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize