Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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