Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize