I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
