atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
