she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize