The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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