I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
