My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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