The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
