your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
