I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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