I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
