so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize