who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
