It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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