Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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