that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just invented taco cereal.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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