he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
