he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize