dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
