On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
