He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
