i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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