did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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