Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
