oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
