if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
