you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
