Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
