Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I got inside last night via doggy door
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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