I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
