Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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