I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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