Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Randomize
