My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
