Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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