I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
