next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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