I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
