girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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