Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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