dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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