dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize