i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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