You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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