I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Come share oat with me in your robe
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
