I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
